How to Revive a Dead Bedroom this October
Every couple hits a dry spell; trust me, it happens to the best of us. Getting out of the rut and addressing the elephant in the room can be hard. When we have to face the realities of day-to-day work stress, routines, family life or even our hormones, sometimes sex just… stops happening. But that doesn't mean the passion's gone for good, and you are not broken, your relationship isn't doomed, and you don't need to enter into some drastic tick box exercises of just getting sex done and over with.
What you do need is a little curiosity, honesty, and excitement back in your lives, relationships and the bedroom.
Here are five ways to bring your sex life back from the dead (no ghosts required) this October.
1. Reflect on the Last Time
Think back to the last time you were intimate. What was it like? Fun? Predictable? Maybe a little… samey?
If your sex life feels like eating the same meal every night, it might be time to change the menu. Talk to your partner about what could make things feel new again. That doesn't have to mean jumping straight into wild new kinks or booking an expensive trip away. Start small with the one thing we forget to do... talking. Ask each other what you want to explore, what feels good or what you are curious to try. Maybe it's asking them to touch you in a way that felt good in the past, such as doing something sensual like a steamy shower or bath, or going toy shopping together and waiting for it to arrive, with a date night planned to give it a test drive (or ride) together.
💡 Try this: Explore together! Check out new toys or sensations on Bed Nerdz — from vibrating rings to couples' vibes that hit both of you in the right spots.
2. Check In With Yourself
We often forget that when stress, feeling low in ourselves and our bodies, is present, or even when our hormones are all over the place, desire will most likely take a back seat.
So, this is your reminder to ask yourself 'How am I feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically lately?'
If stress, body image, or hormones are zapping your desire, that's okay, you're human. Let your partner in on what's going on rather than keeping it bottled up. Understanding each other's needs builds intimacy way before sex even happens.
💡 Try this: Focus on self-care that helps you feel sexy in your own skin. A bath, good lube, or solo play session can do wonders for confidence.
3. Talk About Sex Outside the Bedroom
Conversations about sex don't have to start mid-thrust. In fact, they shouldn't.
Bring it up when you're relaxed, maybe on a walk, over dinner, or while cuddling. Approach the conversation with curiosity and talk about what's missing, what you'd love to try, and how you can make it happen together. Remember, leave out blame and shaming, and instead acknowledge that it's a joint effort. How can you both show up and make change?
💡 Try this: Make it a game — each of you writes down one fantasy, one turn-on, and one thing you miss doing. Swap notes and see what sparks some ideas or discussions.
4. Make It Exciting Again
When sex loses its excitement, desire naturally fades. So, create anticipation again. Schedule a date night or a "no distractions" hour. Make promises to touch more, flirt more, and kiss like you did when you first met. Everything that leads to sex is often more important than the sex itself.
People often think talking about sex or scheduling sex kills the vibe, but guess what, you were doing exactly this at the start of your relationship, and that's what made it great, building anticipation, scheduling to meet and being sexy over text or through pictures. Get back to that! Trust us, it works.
5. Stop Forcing It and Start Feeling It
Pressure kills pleasure, full stop.
Instead of focusing on what you "should" be doing, explore what actually feels good. Slow down, touch, kiss, cuddle, and hold hands again. Those small, intimate moments rebuild closeness faster than rushing to get things "back to normal."
And if you notice the phones, TV, or life in general pulling you apart, call it out, but kindly. "Babe, I want to be close to you right now" works a lot better than "You're always on your phone."
The Comeback Story
Reviving your sex life isn't about perfection or forcing something to change or be better; it's about communication, removing blame and finding ways to connect again.
Be curious, have fun, and remember: the goal isn't to get back to where you were, it's to create something new that feels even better.
Ready to bring your bedroom back to life? Explore couples' toys and fun new ways to play at Bed Nerdz because pleasure shouldn't be a thing of the past.
